锘? Lots of recruiting articles talk about the parents role in recruiting but very few address what you <a title="http://www.teammanchesterunitedshop.com/Authentic-Blank-Manchester-Unite... href="http://www.teammanchesterunitedshop.com/Authentic-Blank-Manchester-Unite... , as a parent, will personally be experiencing throughout this. I dont think most parents can adequately anticipate what college athletic recruiting will be like.

Let me start with a story that has nothing to do with recruiting but illustrates the point well.

I am a boy parent, no girls. So after my oldest son had left for college, I was biking through the neighborhood one day and ran into a friend. I was lamenting how boys tell you so little, just one and two word answers to your carefully crafted questions. How much easier it would be if I had a girl. And here was her response: she has a boy (college freshman) and a girl (college junior). She agreed that her freshman doesnt tell her much, calls home once a week and its usually a very short and functional conversation. But hes happy and doing fine. Her daughter, on the other hand, calls her 2 3 times a day and has been for the 3 years shes been at college. She drags her mother through every high and low she experiences, and every emotional upheaval gets to be experienced by both of them, not just the daughter. To make it worse <a title="http://www.teammanchesterunitedshop.com/Authentic-Bastian-Schweinsteiger... href="http://www.teammanchesterunitedshop.com/Authentic-Bastian-Schweinsteiger... , the daughter may solve her problems quickly but will forget to tell her mom about it for a day or two so mom is always left worrying about something the daughter has long since forgotten about. Moms conclusion? She prefers to know less because she worries less and its a lot less emotionally exhausting.

Welcome to recruiting. Lots of parallels here. You will experience every high and low with your student athlete. If the letters and calls start coming, you will get so excited for them, especially if you know the schools. If there are no letters and calls, you will get so frustrated for them. And if a school shows interest and then suddenly stops calling, you will count the days and wonder how long means its really over. And the hardest part for you is that you want to take control and fix it, and you cant. Its between your kid and the people doing the recruiting. Period. The more you intervene, the less helpful you are being to your kid and in fact, the more harm you may do. I love the quote from a D I coach who said that the best team is a team of orphans.

Heres another interesting twist. The emotional upheaval happens at all levels of the recruiting food chain. Parents of blue chip athletes stress over how to protect their kids, how to make sure theyre making the right decision, and how to keep some control over their kids life when everybody wants a piece of them. Parents of second tier athletes stress over how to make sure they get noticed <a title="http://www.teammanchesterunitedshop.com/Authentic-Axel-Tuanzebe-Manchest... href="http://www.teammanchesterunitedshop.com/Authentic-Axel-Tuanzebe-Manchest... , how to break through the clutter of the tons of kids theyre competing against, how to ensure that theyll actually be able to compete and not just be a practice dummy, and how to try and leverage themselves into a scholarship situation. Everyone thinks its easier on the other kid but recruiting is an equal opportunity anxiety producer.

Lets switch gears for a minute. Most kids who are pursuing college sports are doing so because they cant imagine college life without competing. They have a deep passion for their sport and arent ready to give it up. I learned something interesting from talking to parents of all kinds of kids that I hadnt really thought about before, that a kid who struggles to make the high school varsity team and just barely squeaks in, probably has just as much passion for the sport as the kid whos going to play football at USC and go on to the NFL. They may not have the same skill, size, or speed, but those things are not necessarily related to their level of passion. So regardless of your kids talent level, if theyve got that kind of passion, your mission as a parent is to help them get into a program where they can be happy and that will probably only happen if they can be successful in their sport.

This sounds so obvious but I often run into athletes and parents who wander through recruiting with an obvious attitude of Division I or bust. I know every kid has dreams of playing in Division I but theres 330 Division I schools and 1400 other schools in Division II <a title="http://www.teammanchesterunitedshop.com/Authentic-Ashley-Young-Mancheste... href="http://www.teammanchesterunitedshop.com/Authentic-Ashley-Young-Mancheste... , III, NAIA and NJCAA so theres a lot of roster spots that will go to kids not playing Division I. When parents set up the expectation that a kid is only successful if they get a Division I scholarship, we are effectively abandoning the great influence we have in helping them feel good about where they will need to end up to compete and be happy. On the other hand, if we (non judgmentally) help them find the right place for them and it isnt at the level they had hoped, the sting will only last for a short time. Once they are there and competing, they will thrive and enjoy it just as much as the big guys.

One of my favorite quotes from my book (Put Me In, Coach: A Parents Guide to Winning the Game of College Recruiting) came from a womens soccer coach at a public university in Maryland. His point was that once a kid is in pre season work outs, it doesnt matter if theyre at an Ivy League school or a junior college, if they got a big scholarship or not. What matters is the same things that mattered in high school, that theyre getting playing time <a title="http://www.teammanchesterunitedshop.com/Authentic-Antonio-Valencia-Manch... href="http://www.teammanchesterunitedshop.com/Authentic-Antonio-Valencia-Manch... , the level of play is competitive enough, their team is successful within its conference or league, and they trust their coachs judgment. If those things are in place, their passion is fed and you will have one happy camper.

So help them find that place, wherever it is and whatever level it may be. Try not to get too stressed out along the way. And when you compare notes with the other parents you come across, youll realize that youre in good company.
Author's Resource Box

I am Laurie Richter, author of Put Me In, Coach: A Parents Guide to Winning the Game of College Recruiting. Find it at http:www.RightFitPress. My so锘? Women are unpredictab.